Changes May 5 2005

By , May 13, 2005 9:32 am

Getting closer and closer to something. Not sure what or why or where but something is working through the fevered ferment of the mind. Reading The One Straw Revolution right now and I suspect that is the largest part of it. Farmers in Japan used to take January, February and March off to hunt rabbits and just take it easy. Now they have 3 days at new years and go back to work. That’s progress?

I am not sure what or where I am going with this or really anything right now.

Changes, changes,
in my mind,
So damn tired,
no desire to shine…

More on the hill.

I am getting to the point I don’t want to deal with “businesses” or corporations but instead would like to deal with people. No wally world or kmart but rather the curb market or farmers market. No mall based store. No shopping center based store. But the one that the guy built to hold the shit he wants to sell.

I have internal debates with me, myself and I about profanity on a regular basis. The words that “polite” society has deemed unacceptable for public use are more like exclamation points than words. Or so they seem to me at times. Sometimes I use them just for the shock value. Other times I use them and don’t know why. Have thought about not using any for a while so I can cut the mental censor off. But mental censor only works when it wants to anyway so…

Clarity of thought begets correct action.

or something…

The ideas that lead to the experiment that produced the book “the one straw revolution” came about in the aftermath of getting really drunk. The main one is that “Nothing Matters”. And the thing about this is that he is exactly right! The only thing that matters is getting through the next while. Smell the farts. Watch the sun come up from the wrong end of the day.

But I must go to work, you exclaim!

Why, asks I?

Why to buy bright shinny objects to distract myself from the world that god made to give us all things and line the pockets of greedy corporations with, you reply indigently.

So it goes. A few years ago (in either direction I suspect) if you needed something you made it or grew it or traded someone you knew for it or did without. How much has changed today. I have more than any 100 people need and want more. I work all the time trying to build shelters to keep it dry and safe from insects and rodents and molds and rot. Moving it around. Working around it. Its all JUNK. Meaning nothing to anyone else. Just trash.

Look to the future. Make piles of money to keep you in comfort in your old age. But really just go in debt to get things you don’t need to do things that don’t need doing without the stuff thats not needed. What a vicious circle we create with things. Stuff as George Carlin calls it. Gotta have more stuff. And a place for our stuff. I got too much stuff. Some will go to the land fill. Some will be recycled. I’ll still build with found objects but I am not at all sure about buying materials to build with.

Read an article about Roman concrete that said they used lime, sea-water, rock and sand. Got limestone. Need to see if I can crack it with fire and water. Time is all it needs. We trade our future for saving time today. interesting concept. Save up time already spent in work with paper and coin to trade to someone else for something they have we want. Really distorted reality society has created.

Profit is almost always had at the expense of someone else’s time. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Not get as much profit as you can. I hate the capitalistic society we live in. A dog eat dog world.

So I have been living on the fringes all my life. Trying to give fair return in work for funds received. Sometimes I have done so, sometimes I haven’t. Still got a few debts that I need to take care of here real soon but for the most part I think the scales balance. I have offinded a LOT of folks with my bluntness (or rudeness as some have said). Some have said I was sick even. Never disagreed with them either. But I have never fit in with the 9 to 5 society. It makes me nervious. Don’t like to be inside all the time. I feel much better physically, outside in the fresh air, not in a city or even town but in the woods or fields.

Got a job to go do today. Don’t want to do it but it’s an old customer and I hate to let him down.

I wish he would find another tech as I really don’t want to be dragged back into the hi-tech game. Every time I do I feel I need to get back into this easy money game. But every time I have allowed myself to do so it has resulted in a steadly deteriorating mental and physical condition that finely causes me to go to bed for a few weeks untill I get out of it again. Then the slow recovery starts. And I do something again and over do it and so the cycle repeats.

This is not acceptable and I have to change something and break out of it. Still trying to figure out how.

Still working at something every day. But I have tried to change my focus. Now I am trying to spend a large part of each day in working on the land. Whether it is clearing fence rows or road sides or just walking in the woods trying to decide which areas to start clearing out for better tree growth and ground cover management. Sometimes I just walk around and look at the changes that the seasons bring. I feel like I am healing out here. But I go back and start trying to work on equipment and start resenting it. Or so it seems looking at it from this distance.

Time to take a break from this and get some food.

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