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By Dave, August 6, 2007 12:45 pm

bullet knife gun shell brass reload weapon assault swat – (item 170136134592 end time Aug-07-07 15:10:43 PDT)

Since Ebay will remove this at some point I am gonna copy the contents below. At the present time the bid (yep folks are really bidding on a rock) is at 122.50 US. Totally nuts!

From the site:

In celebration of Ebay’s new firearm parts policy we proudly offer the ONLY genuine, fully automatic ASSAULT ROCK!!!! Get yours fast before Ebay decides you can’t-it seems guns have some legal standing in the Constitution of the United States (not on Ebay). Our crack team of right-wing lawyer wantabees are looking for rock protection as you read this-besides it keeps them from esoteric pursuits such as trying to figure out why liberals exist. These incredible tools started out as just lousy old Colorado granite; but have been transformed into works of art worthy of, and able to induce shock and awe!

Colors available:

Black-a most ominous color, great for swat (literally) work and they immediately strike (that’s what you got it for isn’t it?) fear into your foe’s heart while showing that you care enough to use the very best.

White, while it may look like you stole it from some old lady’s garden, is no less effective, is innocuous enough to look like a paper weight, and great for winter work, but we caution, repeated use may cause staining.

Camo-OF COURSE, why wouldn’t we-after all we are shamelessly promoting this. It is our most popular rock, and its ability to blend-in is legendary and various patterns are available upon request

Natural-while it seems shabby on our part to offer what would seem to be a plain old rock-hey the pet rock phenomena still amazes us. We felt it only proper, and in may cases it would be the best choice at being non-threatening and blending in with the environment-again, hey we want to be able to have some bogus claim to being “green.” We will send you a relatively clean rock with most of the dirt clods knocked off, postage being what it is.

The “designer” rock-custom colors, blends, and jewel be-studded upon request. Price dependant upon upgrades and jewels chosen.

All rocks are fully automatic, never need to be reloaded-as long as you can cock your arm, have a durable dollar store spray paint finish and come with a lifetime guarantee-if used for their intended purpose. Please note: most have minor natural defects that do not affect performance. Please be sure to order the proper size, the largest you can easily wield will be the most effective. It is not our fault if you bring “too much rock” and have difficulty recocking in the fully automatic mode. Remember too little rock usually results it necessity to go “Full Auto” to be effective, and this may be offensive to some passer-bys. We also caution against just going out and getting your own home grown or “reloaded rock” as these are not subject to the rigors of our process and may be easily subject to the penchant of the legal profession to file a suit claiming you are a crazed, right wing, rock loving, Neanderthal, republican, enviro-hating, SUV driving, carbon hogging, God-fearing, aberrant, pervert.

Calibers available:

Humongous-best left to the meanest SOB on the block or a front end loader

Large-for those that have some kind of complex

Medium-best choice for most, a little large to conceal, but will “git-er-done”

Small-best for pocket of purse, may require repeated cycles to be totally effective

Micro only for the well trained in the art of “rockette”-did it take a rocket scientist to know that?

Specifications:

Material – granite, we think

Finish-lousy aerosol paint

Country of origin USA, Colorado

Weight: varies, depends on what we can find and what you want

Color started out sort of reddish brown, maybe gray

Safeties-None-the darn thing is a ROCK! For crying out loud, what do you want and HK?

Please note: this item, due to its inherently dangerous nature, is not available to: at least the northern portion of the left coast and the land of fruit and nuts (Kalifornia and Ebay). In fact, we highly recommend that those areas IMMEDIATELY begin a program of regulating, stamping out, filing a manufacturer’s class action suit against God,( the original manufacturer), and rendering all non-military or law-enforcement controlled rocks un-useable and ineffective by super gluing them to something solid or crushing them to the size of salt grains. (Any larger and some fool might think to use them in a sling shot!!)

Please Note Again: We recommend against going “air-borne” with your rock unless you are a major league class pitcher or NFL class quarterback. Rocks out of control and personal retention may be easily turned against the original possessor-besides it just shows a lack of self-control.

HURRY!! Get yours soon, as far as we know there are only so many available, and no more are being made that are readily available, although some MAY be evolving (just had to use that word didn’t ya?)

Be sure to check out our other items-sticks, hammers, assault cars, fire-place pokers, screwdrivers, golf clubs, etc.

Above content copyright JLS 2007. May be copied, perused, abused, edited and broadcast or re-broadcast only on fear of ridicule as long as changes are apparent and the original content remains intact?????

Shipping-you must be nuts!

Comments (0)

By Dave, July 16, 2007 9:18 pm

GinAndJews.com-The World’s Drunkest Jews!
Quite NSFW, but funny as hell.

Comments (2)

By Dave, July 10, 2007 9:26 pm

ectoplasmosis » Alpha the Robot Meets Zorine, Queen of the Nudists

And for something totally different…

Comments (1)

By Dave, July 8, 2007 8:52 pm

Matt Littman: What President Bush Learned From His Mentor, Senator Blutarsky – Politics on The Huffington Post

Soooooo true! It ALL makes so much sense now!

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By Dave, July 4, 2007 9:51 pm

It’s A Croc-Eat-Dog World: Best Dog Suit Ever – Gizmodo

🙂

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By Dave, June 29, 2007 12:49 pm

xkcd – Organic Fuel

I love his stuff!

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By Dave, May 15, 2007 6:40 pm

UserFriendly Strip Comments

Digital Consumer Enablement = Taking it up the ass one more time (but this time with lubricant)???

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By Dave, May 4, 2007 1:31 pm

Matthias Endler » Howto switch from Linux to Windows – a users experience

Funny stuff! Check out the Micro$loth trolls in the comments, they are sooooo droll and unfunny that tis actually funny. 😉

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By Dave, May 4, 2007 12:33 pm

YouTube video. Funny as hell!

Link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuT0Zf3kJX0 if the above doesn’t work.

Gladys Hardy’s site

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By Dave, April 24, 2007 1:35 pm

Found at SurvivalBlog.com and reprinted here for reference. I got a LONG way to go…

You might just be a survivalist if…
– You can’t put your groceries in the trunk of the car because its already jammed full with emergency kits, first aid supplies, and fully-stocked BOBs.
– You have emergency rations for your pets, and view your pets as potential emergency rations.
– You know the news three days before it hits the mass media.
– You have back-up plans for your back-up plans.
– You’re convinced you’ve been exposed to so many chem-trails, you consider it a form of birth control.
– You’ve ever repressed the urge to bleat “BAAAAAAAAAH” as your neighbor earnestly asks, “What war? Where?”
*- You’ve ever bought antibiotics for human use through a vet, or grains for human consumption through a feed store.
– You’ve got more than one grain mill.
– You’ve ever wondered how you might filter the used water from your washing machine to make it fit for human consumption.
*- You have a kerosene lamp in every room
*- Your living room coffee table is actually a board with pretty cloth over it to disguise your food storage underneath.
– Your box springs are Rubber Maid containers filled with rice and beans.
*- You save dryer lint to make fire starters.
– Your most commonly-used fuel additive is ‘Sta-Bil’, instead of ‘Gumout’.
*- You automatically choose the heavy duty flatbed cart upon entering Sam’s Club or COSTCO.
– If you know the shelf life of tuna fish, but don’t know how long you’ve had an open jar of mayo in the frig.
– Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.
*- While other people are saving money for new furniture, or vacations, you are desperately saving to get solar panels put on your house.
– You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.
*- You’ve ever served MREs at a dinner party.
– You can engage in a spirited debate on chemical vs. sawdust toilets for hours on end.
*- You’ve ever considered digging an escape tunnel from your basement to the nearest stand of trees.
– You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse to filter air in your designated bio-chem attack safe room.
*- You’ve ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water storage purposes.
– You know what things like ‘TSHTF’, ‘BOB’ and ‘TEOTWAWKI’ mean.
– You have different grades of BOBs.
*- You know the names, family histories, locations, and degree of readiness of over a thousand fellow doomers on the net… but you’ve never met your neighbors.
*- The best radio in the house is a wind-up.
*- You have better items in storage than you use every day.
*- When the SHTF, you would eat better than you eat now.
*- Your significant other gave you a sleeping bag rated at -15 degrees for Christmas… and you were moved beyond words.
– You’ve sewn a secret mini-BOBs into the bottom of your children’s school backpacks.
– Local food pantries have come to depend on donations from your larder when you rotate stock in the spring and fall.
– You’re still using up your Y2K supplies.
*- You have enough army surplus equipment to open a store.
*- The local army surplus store owner knows you by your first name.
*- You fill up when your gas tank is 3/4 full.
– You call Rubber Maid for wholesale prices.
*- You have several cases of baby wipes and your kids are all grown.
– Bert from ‘Tremors’ is your favorite movie character.
*- You carry a pocket survival kit, a sturdy folding knife, a SureFire flashlight and a small concealed handgun on you to church every Sunday.
– You start panicking when you are down to 50 rolls of toilet paper.
*- You keep a small notebook to write down any edible plants you happen to see along the road.
*- You shop yard sales, store sales, and markdown racks for barter goods for after TSHTF.
– You own a hand-operated clothes washer and a non-electric carpet sweeper.
*- You have at least two of every size of Dutch oven, and 20 bags of charcoal, although you have a gas grill.
*- You have rain barrels at each corner of your house, although you have a city water hookup, and a Big Berkey to purify the water.
– You have sapphire lights, survival whistle, and a Swiss Army knife on every family member’s key chain.
– The people in line at Costco ask you if you run a store or restaurant.
– You require a shovel to rotate all your preps properly.
*- You no longer go the the doctor’s because you can either fix it yourself, make it at home, or know and understand the Physician’s Desk Reference better than he does, and can get the goods at the vets or pet store for much less moolah anyway.
*- You know that a ‘GPS’ has nothing to do with the economy.
– You track your preps on a computer spreadsheet for easy reordering, but have hard copies in a 3-ring binder ‘just in case’.
– You’ve thought about where the hordes can be stopped before entering town.
– You start evaluating people according to ‘skill sets’.
– You view the nearest conservation area as a potential grocery store if TSHTF.
*- You know all the ways out the building where you work.
– You have enough pasta stockpiled in your basement to carbo-load all the runners in the New York marathon.
*- You know that you have 36 gallons of extra drinking water in the hot water tank and your two toilet tanks.
*- You know which bugs are edible.
*- You have a hand pump on your well.
– You have #10 cans of ‘stuff’ that the labels fell off of, but you won’t throw it out or open it because it ‘may be needed later’, even though you haven’t a clue as to the contents.
*- You know where the best defensive positions and lines of fire are on your property.
– You’ve made a range card for your neighborhood.
*- Your toenail clipper is a K-Bar.
*- The Ranger Handbook is your favorite ‘self help’ book.
*- You’ve numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of consumption.
– You must move 50 cases of food for the plumber to get to that leaky pipe, but you have your own hand truck in the basement to do it.
*- You own more pairs of hiking boots than casual and dress shoes combined.
*- You have more 55gal blue water drums than family members.
– Your UPS system has more than 6 Deep cycle batteries.
– You have a backup generator for your backup generator, which is a backup for your solar system.
*- You go to McDonalds and ask for one order of fries with 25 packs of ketchup and mustard.
– You have ever given SPAM as a serious gift.
*- You’ve had your eye out for a good deal for a stainless steel handgun to conceal in the bottom of the magazine rack next to the toilet.
*- You are single male over 40, but you still have an emergency childbirth kit, just in case you have to deal with that possibility.
– You have two water heaters installed in your basement, but one is a dummy that’s been converted to hideaway safe.
– You’ve made bugout cargo packs for your dogs.
*- You have a walking stick with all sorts of gadgets hidden inside.
– Your koi pond is stocked with catfish.
– As a stand-in scoutmaster, you taught your son’s troop to set mantraps and punji pits, and haven’t been asked to stand in since.
– You’re on your fifth vacuum sealer, but you keep at least one of the worn out ones because you can still seal up plastic bags with it.
– You haven’t bought dried fruit in years, but you buy fresh bananas, apples, peaches and pears by the case and have three dehydrators.
*- Your UPS man hates you because of all the cases of ammo he’s had to lug from his truck to your front door.
– You have duplicates of all your electronics gear, solar panels and generator parts in your EMP-shielded fallout shelter.
*- You have set aside space for your live chickens in the fallout shelter.
– When the power goes out in your neighborhood, all the neighbor’s kids come over to your place to watch TV on generator power.
*- You must open the door to your pantry very carefully for fear of a canned goods avalanche.
*- You have a ‘Volcano’, you know you can cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor’s annoying, yappy poodle, muttering “your day will come, hotdog” under your breath.
– You’ve learned to knap flint, make twine from plant fibers for snares and use an atlatl, because you fear that all of your preps and hard work will be confiscated by FEMA troops or destroyed by earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear blasts, ravening hordes of feral sheeple or reptiloids from ‘Planet X’ after TSHTF.

Comments (0)

By Dave, April 24, 2007 10:55 am

See Figure One

🙂 Thanks for the giggle, Steve.

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By Dave, April 9, 2007 2:11 pm

::iLL WiLL PreSS:: HOME OF NEUROTICALLY YOURS, 4Y-RECORDS & MORE.

NSFW. Twisted, warped and depraved! Wonderful stuff! Thanks to Steve for the link.

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By Dave, April 7, 2007 1:09 pm

Found on the web. No idea who the author is but tis SO true.

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of Jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

😉

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By Dave, March 28, 2007 3:34 pm

YouTube – “Creation Science 101” by Roy Zimmerman

Love it! Go, watch, but don’t eat/drink while doing it or the keyboard/computer may need cleaning/replacing… 😉

Thanks to Steve for the link!

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By Dave, March 25, 2007 2:40 pm

“Breakfast of the Gods Book One: The Last Good Morning” By Brendan Douglas Jones

Weird stuff. Thanks to Steve for the link.

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By Dave, March 13, 2007 9:32 am

Atom Smasher’s Error Message Generator

And here is where you can make your own error messages for fun and profit(?). 😉

Enjoy…

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By Dave, March 11, 2007 2:02 pm

Nuff said…

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By Dave, February 4, 2007 1:23 am

BBspot – Windows Vista Upgrade Decision Flowchart

This flow chart should help anyone that is thinking about upgrading to make the proper choice. FYI – The best linux distro out there that I have found is pclinuxos

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By Dave, February 3, 2007 7:46 pm

Linux Genuine Advantageâ„¢

For all linux users who want to spend money and do less with their machines (just like ALL Micro$loth users get to do). 😉

P.S. PLEASE NOTE that this a joke site and I DO NOT recomend downloading the software available there. This public service announcement is for those who might actually decide that this is a good thing to do. Like all the idiots that buy Vista so they have less freedom and can do less with their own machines… 😛

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By Dave, January 31, 2007 11:27 am

OtherUnix

Other products using the Unix name don’t smell as sweet… 😉